Meditation: You need not cry very loud #God is nearer to us than we think. Ponder: living with #cancer can bring us to our knees as we wonder where God is in all this pain.
we often feel alone and think no one understands, however that is so far from the truth. #Jesus is with us in the pain, fear and the loneliness. He doesn’t stand outside the pain but within it. He understands you and wants you to come to him in prayer, he longs to wipe away all tears. Pray: Psalm 16 today. Take time throughout the day to enter into the presence of God. Let him speak to you, surrender all to him. Prayer References: Brother Lawrence, Psalm 16 Surrender: Your health to God for he holds us in his hand. Pray for inner peace.
Living in the present moment abandoned to #God‘s will has been my way of of life for the past 6 years. 6 years ago I heard the words I thought I would never hear: you have stomach #cancer. The doctor went on to say that stomach cancer is rare, after lung cancer, stomach cancer is the 2nd leading cause of death among cancer.
Fear,shock and disbelief instantly invaded my life. That was the day my life was forever changed, I had to face my possible death. As a #mother of seven children all I could think about was who would take care of them.home school, and nurture them, how was I going to tell them I have cancer. “It is most laudable in a married women to be devout, but she must never forget that she is a housewife; and sometimes she must leave God at the altar to find Him in her housekeeping.” – Francis of Rome
Did I fulfill God’s will in my vocation as a mother? Did my life reflect the #love I had for #Jesus and Mary and the gift our Catholic #Faith is. Would they remember all that I taught them and so seek the truth in all things. This pain was too much to bear, my biggest fear had become a reality. Within the week I underwent I high risk surgery.Everything went so quickly leaving me numb. Now I see that this was God’s way of protecting me shielding me from the gravity of what was happening to me.
Surgery lasted 6 hours in which 80% of my stomach was removed along with lymph nodes. The surgeon had to stop surgery because a large tumor was found on my liver and it had to be removed and biopsied. It was benign, how good God is. I was in intensive care for 3 days. The pain was unbearable due to the surgery and the fact I am allergic to most pain meds. The only prayer I could utter was Jesus I #Trust in You and to love Him with a love that was willing to go to the cross. Placing my life and #family in His hands I said yes, yes to the life he had planned for me, yes to Redemptive suffering, to love with a love that is willing to go to the cross and so die to self.
As I left the hospital with the knowledge that the cancer I had would require a vigilance on my part to be aware of any unusual symptoms and to notify my oncologist. I will never really be what people call cancer free. When I asked my oncologist if I would be cancer free after 5 years his response was, maybe in 10 years. What they didn’t tell me was they didn’t think I would live past a year. Now I know why, I am deficient in most vitamins, I have malabsortion issues, (faulty absorption of nutrient materials from the digestive tract) a continual malaise that is worsening, anemia, my asthma has worsened to the point that I need oxygen. My stomach is broken, More days than not I suffer from emesis which limits my ability to go anywhere.
Lord I am the servant of thy servant and I will always say with Mary be it done to me according to thy word. Mother of all mothers that suffer pray for us.
The past 6 years faith has carried me, love has sustained me as I had to undergo many ER visits, countless tests and procedures, Dr appt’s too many to count, hospitalizations I so wanted to avoid. My life belongs to Jesus as I walk the way of the cross knowing I will die on that cross. Joy!
O my God teach me to be generous; to give and not count the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to seek for rest; to labor and not to seek for any reward save that of doing your blessed will. -Saint Ignatius of Loyola
The cross is love, my love crucified with the Love that flows from the Sacred Heart of Jesus, as I receive grace upon grace. Thank you Jesus for the gift of life, may I never take it for granted but to embrace each day with joy.
“Love is more important than suffering: it gives suffering it’s meaning and makes it acceptable. There can be love without suffering. But suffering without love has no meaning; with love accepted as Christ accepted it, as the saints accept it, it acquires an inestimable value.” – Saint John Paul I
I pray for all those that suffer know that your life is precious and a gift from God a life to be embraced. You are never alone Love will never leave your side, God is with always. As I share my cancer journey with you it is my hope that it will aid you in some way as journey with Christ. I ask for your patience as you read this, my eyesight is so poor due to my health. May God bring you peace and love.
Dear Jesus I place myself at the foot of the cross, standing with your mother who is now my mother for in your suffering you gave her to us. Oh what love you bestowed upon us in giving us your mother. Thank you Jesus, you know how I weak I am, so at baptism She became the Mother of my life never to leave my side.
I compassionate you in your suffering my Jesus, oh how I wish I could do more, give you more. How I long to share in your bitter sorrow, and yet you speak silently in my soul saying ” Your desire means more to me than the action.” Jesus you are so merciful I do not deserve the gift you have called me to accept. The gift of sharing your cross and yet you placed the cross ever so gently upon my shoulders. I remember that day in February 5 yrs ago, it was lent and I heard your voice calling me to follow you.
Dear Jesus how I trembled in fear when I heard the word cancer. I said in my anxiety: Why Lord why this, you know this mother’s heart and I cannot bear the thought of leaving my children. They are so young, they need me, who will take care of them? this cancer is rare and my chances of surviving are not good.” At that moment your passion and death became food for my soul, my prayer, my meditation . It was on the cross where you showed me where true love is to be found, in the emptying of myself of all that was not of God, of dying to self, of seeing myself for who I really am, of receiving your grace and realizing I cannot do anything without you. You called me to trust in you. Oh the graces you bestow on all your children who open their hearts and souls to your merciful grace. It consumes all fear and unites our souls forever in love. I finally came to understand that you are not distant from us when we suffer, you are with us in our suffering. You shed tears with us, you hold us close to your Sacred Heart when everything seems lost, you enter into our pain giving weak souls courage to go on. You show us that battle is not lost when we fatigue overwhelms us. Your love becomes a consuming fire .A fire that consumes our sins, makes our souls long for you, a desire to know you more, to love you to the point of death. How good you are Jesus! You first took upon yourself all the sufferings that mankind would have to endure and more so that we would never be alone in our sufferings. We can now say Jesus knows, Jesus is with me, I will never be alone. Jesus is within me. Your love did not stop there. You wanted to give us more, so you give yourself to us daily in the Holy Eucharist, You remain in every tabernacle in every church until the end of time waiting for us to come to you where you ease all pain and wipe away all tears. Where would we be without the Sacraments of the Church? I know I could not go on, my soul would die. We would not know love. Without the gift of your mother, how could I ever be a mother.
You have given me more than I could ever hope to ask for. I know now Jesus, that all that really matters is Love. Only Love makes one able to say “yes’ to the cross. Love picks us up after every fall. Love nails us to the cross. Love is all, it is everything. The Cross and Love are inseparable. I would not change the course of my life for anything. I have touched love and there is no greater joy!
My Mommy Moments
Hi my name is Tami and I am the mother of seven children Megan 21,Nicholas 18, Alexandra 17, Zachary 15, Emily 13, Joshua 11, and my baby Anthony is 8. All live at home and I home-school 5 now. I am so excited to celebrate my mommy moments with other moms and I look at this as a challenge to me. A challenge which I embrace and place in the Hands of God. Motherhood has always been such a blessing to me and being a mother is all I ever wanted. I have had my share of difficulties and too be honest it is not easy being a mom. Time goes by way too fast and before you know it your baby is 21 and I just want to hold on to all them for a little while longer. Why do I consider this a challenge:
1) I daily fight a rare form of stomach cancer. I was diagnosed with cancer of the stomach 4 yrs ago. Within a week I had 80% of my stomach removed. Motherhood and the way I mother has forever changed since then. The day the Dr. told me I had cancer I dropped to my knees in prayer. Prayer filled with fear and many tears. My first thought was have I mothered my children the way God willed for me. Did I reflect the love that I have for my faith to them in my daily actions. Was I too lax in discipline. Did I instruct them on the teachings of our Catholic Faith so they would know their faith and share it with others. Do they know how much I love them and more importantly how much Jesus and Mary love them. So many thoughts, so little time. Please God my children need me let me live.
2) Jesus heard my prayer and the prayers of others. He is leading me and my family down a path we did not choose. I don’t feel much like a mother, some days are spent in so much pain and fatigue. I am not able to be as active as I once was. This has been so hard and I don’t feel likea mother. After all my children need me the way I was-not as I am now. Jesus thinks differently as do my children. I am alive, I may not be healthy but life is a gift and Jesus holds me in His hands as well as my children.
3) Saturday June 7th my son Nicholas had his graduation party. My son graduated and he thanked me for homeschooling him, even when I was sick. He wants to be a youth minister and is involved in a Bible study this summer for youth. Megan had her first article printed in the local Catholic paper. It was based on the book that she recently had published, called “The Greatest of these is Love.” Alexandra attented DWeek a 4 day retreat where the youth go to daily mass and Adoration. She wants to be a Missionary of Charity. My daughter wants to be a nun. Wow! Thank you Jesus!
In all this am I a mother? Yes! Somewhere along the way I got lost in what I should be as a mother not what God wanted of me as mother. When we live outside of Gods will for our lives we fail, we fall, we forget why we are mothers. We are mothers called to raise saints for Jesus. The Blessed Mother will lead us if we allow Her too. As mothers we are called to assist each other and aid one another in our vocations as mothers.