Fighting Cancer with Prayer

Meditation:  You need not cry very loud  God is nearer to us than we think.
Ponder:  living with cancer can bring us to our knees as we wonder where God is in all this pain.
we often feel alone and think no one understands, however that is so far from the truth. Jesus is with us in the pain, fear and the loneliness. He doesn’t stand outside the pain but within it. He understands you and wants you to come to him in prayer, he longs to wipe away all tears.
Pray: Psalm 16 today. Take time throughout the day to enter into the presence of God. Let him speak to you, surrender all to him.
Prayer References: Brother Lawrence, Psalm 16
Surrender: Your health to God for he holds us in his hand. Pray for inner peace.

                  

 

Love For Truth

I am the way, and the truth, and the life.
John 14:6
Pilate asked Jesus “what is truth?” Silently Jesus stands before Pilate longing to teach him the truth, but Pilate remained indifferent to the Truth standing before him. Turning his back on eternal truth he sentences Jesus to be crucified.  Pilate in his spiritual blindness fails to see the truth in the loving gaze of Jesus and loses the grace of repentance and conversion.
In order to live a faith filled life we must have a love for truth and a desire to seek truth no matter how difficult it may be. We are often fearful of the truth and the demands it makes on us, so we tend to shield ourselves against it and like pilate we turn on back on Jesus.  Seeking God in prayer we ask him to open our eyes and our hearts to receive  truth with courageous acceptance to the truth of who we are in the eyes of God.  Accepting those truths can be painful, however necessary if we are to advance in truth. Sometimes God allows a difficult circumstance and illness to practice this virtue.
Cancer is the cross he laid upon my back, painful as it is the grace of God has been at work in me. Jesus opened my heart to see the truth about who I am. In this dark night I looked into the eyes of truth and embracing that truth I found  the meaning of Agape love.
Truth guards us like a shield and protects you against the terror of the night.(see psalm 91) 
Truth liberates us, and gives peace to the soul. Obedience to the will of God will lead us to truth. As we journey through lent may Jesus let His gaze of love penetrate your soul with love and truth.
Behold, you desire truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.
Ps51:6

 

True Rejoicing

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
Philippians 4:5
My body is broken from my battle with cancer.  I battle numerous infections, decreased mobility, sleepless nights. I am on oxygen as my lungs are weak. There are days when I have no strength to move and must resign myself to the bed. I am unable to do anything and I ask myself how can I give all to the Lord when I have so little to give. I recall the words of Jesus to St. Faustina and I entrust myself completely to His will by praying”Not as I want , but according to your will, O God let it be done unto me.”  It is in this moment of brokenness that I can give the Lord all. And this fills my soul with joy. My broken body and aching heart rejoices in the Lord. This is my gift to the infant Jesus. There are times in our lives when all we can give to Jesus are the broken pieces of our lives and it is in these moments of surrender that we can exclaim with St Paul: I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.
Dear Infant Jesus I come before your manager in Bethlehem help us to remember that real worth is not so much found in activity but in the silent surrender of our will to yours. We pray for the gift of perseverance to endure all things for the glory of your name. Jesus, Mary and Joseph make our homes another Nazareth where peace and love reign. Blessed Mother be a Mother to our children when  illness prevents me. Wrap them in the Mantle of your love. Help us to always remember the great dignity we have as mothers and illness can never take that away.
Ponder in your heart how much you are loved and the life you live is one of joy to God. Do Not be Afraid. let go of all anxiety and Trust in the Infant Jesus to heal you.
Let your prayer be one of peace. Listen to some Advent or Christmas songs and sit in silence before the Christmas tree and manger, hold the infant Jesus next to your heart and let love do as love wants.

“We are able to go through the most terrible places fearlessly, because Jesus in us will never deceive us; Jesus in us is our love, our strength, our joy and our compassion”
Saint Teresa of Calcutta

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Surrendered to God~ A Mothers Way of the Cross

Living in the present moment abandoned to God’s will has been my way of of life for the past 6 years.
6 years ago I heard the words I thought I would never hear: you have stomach cancer.
The doctor went on to say that stomach cancer is rare, after lung cancer, stomach cancer is the 2nd leading cause of death among cancer.

Fear,shock and disbelief instantly invaded my life. That was the day my life was forever changed, I had to face my possible death. As a mother of seven children all I could think about was who would take care of them.home school, and nurture them, how was I going to tell them I have cancer.
“It is most laudable in a married women to be devout, but she must never forget that she is a housewife; and sometimes she must leave God at the altar to find Him in her housekeeping.” – Francis of Rome

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Did I fulfill God’s will in my vocation as a mother? Did my life reflect  the love I had for Jesus and Mary  and the gift our Catholic Faith is. Would they remember all that I taught them and so seek the truth in all things. This pain was too much to bear, my biggest fear had become a reality.
Within the week I underwent I high risk surgery.Everything went so quickly leaving me numb. Now I see that this was God’s way of protecting me shielding me from the gravity of  what was happening to me.

Surgery lasted 6 hours in which 80% of my stomach was removed along with lymph nodes. The surgeon had to stop surgery because a large tumor was found on my liver and it had to be removed and biopsied. It was benign, how good God is.  I was in intensive care for 3 days. The pain was unbearable due to the surgery and the fact I am allergic to most pain meds. The only prayer I could utter  was Jesus I Trust in You and to love Him with a love that was willing to go to the cross.
Placing my life and family in His hands I said yes, yes to the life he had planned for me, yes to Redemptive suffering, to love with a love that is willing to go to the cross and so die to self.

As I left the hospital with the knowledge  that the cancer I had would require a vigilance on my part to be aware of any unusual symptoms and to notify my oncologist.  I will never really be what people call cancer free. When I asked my oncologist if I would be cancer free after 5 years his response was, maybe in 10 years. What they didn’t tell me was they didn’t think I would live past  a year.  Now I know why, I am deficient in most vitamins, I have malabsortion issues, (faulty absorption of nutrient materials from the digestive tract) a continual malaise that is worsening, anemia, my asthma has worsened to the point that I need oxygen.  My stomach is broken,  More days than not I suffer from  emesis  which limits my ability to go anywhere.

 Lord I am the servant of thy servant and I will always say with Mary be it done to me according to thy word.  Mother of all mothers that suffer pray for us.

The past 6 years  faith has carried me, love has sustained me as I had to undergo many ER visits, countless tests and procedures, Dr appt’s too many to count, hospitalizations I so wanted to avoid.
My life belongs to Jesus as I walk the way of the cross knowing I will die on that cross. Joy!

O my God teach me to be generous; to give and not count the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to seek for rest; to labor and not to seek for any reward save that of doing your blessed will. -Saint Ignatius of Loyola

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The cross is love, my love crucified with the Love that flows from the Sacred Heart of Jesus, as I receive grace upon grace.  Thank you Jesus for the gift of life, may I never take it for granted but to embrace each day with joy.

 

“Love is more important than suffering: it gives suffering it’s meaning and makes it acceptable. There can be love without suffering. But suffering without love has no meaning; with love accepted as Christ accepted it, as the saints accept it, it acquires an inestimable value.” –  Saint John Paul I

I pray for all those that suffer know that your life is precious and a gift from God a life to be embraced. You are never alone Love will never leave your side, God is with always. As I share my cancer journey with you it is my hope that it will aid you in some way as journey with Christ.  I ask for your patience as you read this, my eyesight is so poor due to my health.  May God bring you peace and love.

 

Seasons of my Soul

Jesus in silence my soul waits for youwoman-at-prayer_antique-illustration-sm

Purged in the crucible of suffering borne of love for you, in love I surrender all to you

Through the dark night I contemplate you giving my fiat I go to the cross with you

Perfect joy is found in you

Mercy a gift from you, Jesus I trust in you

In weakness you carry me when I fall you raise me up to you

When doctors can do no more you comfort me

When no one understands you listen to me what I cannot do you do for me

Love is all you want from me in love you died for me

Divine Providence leads me all that happens is God’s will for me

Holy Spirit come and dwell in me

The Gift of life praise God endlessly

 

The Cross Is Love

Dear Jesus I place myself at the foot of the cross,  standing with your mother who is now my mother for in your suffering you gave her to us.   Oh what love you bestowed upon us in giving us your mother.  Thank you Jesus, you know how I weak I am, so at baptism She became the Mother of my life never to leave my side.
I compassionate you in your suffering my Jesus, oh how I wish I could do more,  give you more.  How I long to share in your bitter sorrow,  and yet you speak silently in my soul saying  ” Your desire means more to me than the action.”  Jesus you are so merciful I do not deserve the gift you have called me to accept.  The gift of sharing your cross and yet you placed the cross ever so gently upon my shoulders.  I remember that day in February 5 yrs ago, it was lent and I heard your voice calling me to follow you.

Dear Jesus how I trembled in fear when I heard the word cancer.  I said in my anxiety:  Why Lord why this, you know this mother’s heart and I cannot bear the thought of leaving my children. They are so young,  they need me,  who will take care of them? this cancer is rare and my chances of surviving are not good.”   At that moment your passion and death became food for my soul,  my prayer, my meditation . It was on the cross where you showed me where true love is to be found,  in the emptying of myself of all that was not of God,  of dying to self,  of seeing myself for who I really am,  of receiving your grace and realizing I cannot do anything without you.  You called me to trust in you.  Oh the graces you bestow on all your children who open their hearts and souls to your merciful grace.  It consumes all fear and unites our souls forever in love.  I finally came to understand that you are not distant from us when we suffer,  you are with us in our suffering.  You shed tears with us,  you hold us close to your Sacred Heart when everything seems lost,  you enter into our pain giving weak souls courage to go on.  You show us that battle is not lost when we fatigue overwhelms us.  Your love becomes a consuming fire .A fire that consumes our sins, makes our souls long for you,  a desire to know you more, to love you to the point of death.  How good you are Jesus!   You first took upon yourself all the sufferings that mankind would have to endure and more so that we would never be alone in our sufferings.  We can now say Jesus knows,  Jesus is with me,  I will never be alone.  Jesus is within me.  Your love did not stop there.  You wanted to give us more, so you give yourself to us daily in the Holy Eucharist,  You remain in every tabernacle in every church until the end of time waiting for us to come to you where you ease all pain and wipe away all tears.  Where would we be without the Sacraments of the Church?  I know I could not go on, my soul would die.  We would not know love.  Without the gift of your mother, how could I ever be a mother.
You have given me more than I could ever hope to ask for.  I know now Jesus, that all that really matters is Love.  Only Love makes one able to say “yes’  to the cross.  Love picks us up after every fall. Love nails us to the cross.   Love is all, it is everything.  The Cross and Love are inseparable.  I would not change the course of my life for anything. I have touched love and there is no greater joy!Jesus meets Mary (550x307) (2) (550x307)

A Mother’s Prayer With Cancer

        Jesus I Trust in You!

Jesus I Trust that You will provide for my children, no matter what mysterious path (stomach cancer) You have chosen for me. You watch over the lilies of the field and the sparrows. But my children, for whom You shed Your Most Precious Blood, are worth more than all the lilies and the sparrows. So I place my Life and family in Your Divine Hands.
Queen of My Heart, you know this mother’s heart so well and all the hopes and dreams for my family. I consecrated my family to you as I began this walk. Along the way I have felt the pain of cancer that is slowly trying to take my life, and oh the pain I bear in my body. That does not compare to the Pain I bear in this mothers heart. You know the pain and you hold your daughter as she cries and Jesus meets Mary (550x307) (2) (550x307)with the breath of your love, you promise me that through the Death and Resurrection of your son~All things will be made new. Jesus I Trust in You~