Living in the present moment abandoned to God’s will has been my way of of life for the past 6 years.
6 years ago I heard the words I thought I would never hear: you have stomach cancer.
The doctor went on to say that stomach cancer is rare, after lung cancer, stomach cancer is the 2nd leading cause of death among cancer.
Fear,shock and disbelief instantly invaded my life. That was the day my life was forever changed, I had to face my possible death. As a mother of seven children all I could think about was who would take care of them.home school, and nurture them, how was I going to tell them I have cancer.
“It is most laudable in a married women to be devout, but she must never forget that she is a housewife; and sometimes she must leave God at the altar to find Him in her housekeeping.” – Francis of Rome
Did I fulfill God’s will in my vocation as a mother? Did my life reflect the love I had for Jesus and Mary and the gift our Catholic Faith is. Would they remember all that I taught them and so seek the truth in all things. This pain was too much to bear, my biggest fear had become a reality.
Within the week I underwent I high risk surgery.Everything went so quickly leaving me numb. Now I see that this was God’s way of protecting me shielding me from the gravity of what was happening to me.
Surgery lasted 6 hours in which 80% of my stomach was removed along with lymph nodes. The surgeon had to stop surgery because a large tumor was found on my liver and it had to be removed and biopsied. It was benign, how good God is. I was in intensive care for 3 days. The pain was unbearable due to the surgery and the fact I am allergic to most pain meds. The only prayer I could utter was Jesus I Trust in You and to love Him with a love that was willing to go to the cross.
Placing my life and family in His hands I said yes, yes to the life he had planned for me, yes to Redemptive suffering, to love with a love that is willing to go to the cross and so die to self.
As I left the hospital with the knowledge that the cancer I had would require a vigilance on my part to be aware of any unusual symptoms and to notify my oncologist. I will never really be what people call cancer free. When I asked my oncologist if I would be cancer free after 5 years his response was, maybe in 10 years. What they didn’t tell me was they didn’t think I would live past a year. Now I know why, I am deficient in most vitamins, I have malabsortion issues, (faulty absorption of nutrient materials from the digestive tract) a continual malaise that is worsening, anemia, my asthma has worsened to the point that I need oxygen. My stomach is broken, More days than not I suffer from emesis which limits my ability to go anywhere.
Lord I am the servant of thy servant and I will always say with Mary be it done to me according to thy word. Mother of all mothers that suffer pray for us.
The past 6 years faith has carried me, love has sustained me as I had to undergo many ER visits, countless tests and procedures, Dr appt’s too many to count, hospitalizations I so wanted to avoid.
My life belongs to Jesus as I walk the way of the cross knowing I will die on that cross. Joy!
O my God teach me to be generous; to give and not count the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to seek for rest; to labor and not to seek for any reward save that of doing your blessed will. -Saint Ignatius of Loyola
The cross is love, my love crucified with the Love that flows from the Sacred Heart of Jesus, as I receive grace upon grace. Thank you Jesus for the gift of life, may I never take it for granted but to embrace each day with joy.
“Love is more important than suffering: it gives suffering it’s meaning and makes it acceptable. There can be love without suffering. But suffering without love has no meaning; with love accepted as Christ accepted it, as the saints accept it, it acquires an inestimable value.” – Saint John Paul I
I pray for all those that suffer know that your life is precious and a gift from God a life to be embraced. You are never alone Love will never leave your side, God is with always. As I share my cancer journey with you it is my hope that it will aid you in some way as journey with Christ. I ask for your patience as you read this, my eyesight is so poor due to my health. May God bring you peace and love.
O Jesus in union with your most precious blood poured out on the cross and offered in every mass, I offer you today my prayers, works, joys, sorrows and sufferings for the praise of Your holy name and all the desires of Sacred heart; in reparation for sin, for the conversion of sinners, the union of all Christians and our final union with you in heaven.
A Powerful Prayer to be said before Praying
“Almighty Father; I place the Precious Blood of Jesus before my lips before I pray, that my prayers may be purified before they ascend to Your divine altar.” St. Mary Magdalen de Pazzi
“Place on thy heart one drop of the precious Blood and fear nothing.” Pope Pius IX
Purged in the crucible of suffering borne of love for you, in love I surrender all to you
Through the dark night I contemplate you giving my fiat I go to the cross with you
Perfect joy is found in you
Mercy a gift from you, Jesus I trust in you
In weakness you carry me when I fall you raise me up to you
When doctors can do no more you comfort me
When no one understands you listen to me what I cannot do you do for me
Love is all you want from me in love you died for me
Divine Providence leads me all that happens is God’s will for me
Holy Spirit come and dwell in me
The Gift of life praise God endlessly
Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life;
Rather look to them with full hope that as they arise.
God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely
through all things.
And when you cannot stand it, God will carry you
in His arms.
Do not fear what may happen tomorrow;
The same everlasting Father who cares for you today
will take care of you today and every day.
He will either shield you from suffering or will give you
unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace and pit aside all anxious thoughts and
~St. Francis de Sales~
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When Love tests people
in order to help them grow in spirit,
they will go through storms of pain,
followed by reconciliation
and calm weather.
You can always tell when someone is spiritually weathered
because this person boldly shouts,
“Love, I am all yours!
Only you can make me happy!
Gracious Love, be mine!”
~Hadewijch, Poems in Stanzas~