Meditation: You need not cry very loud God is nearer to us than we think.
Ponder: living with cancer can bring us to our knees as we wonder where God is in all this pain.
we often feel alone and think no one understands, however that is so far from the truth. Jesus is with us in the pain, fear and the loneliness. He doesn’t stand outside the pain but within it. He understands you and wants you to come to him in prayer, he longs to wipe away all tears.
Pray: Psalm 16 today. Take time throughout the day to enter into the presence of God. Let him speak to you, surrender all to him.
Prayer References: Brother Lawrence, Psalm 16
Surrender: Your health to God for he holds us in his hand. Pray for inner peace.
I am the way, and the truth, and the life.
Pilate asked Jesus “what is truth?” Silently Jesus stands before Pilate longing to teach him the truth, but Pilate remained indifferent to the Truth standing before him. Turning his back on eternal truth he sentences Jesus to be crucified. Pilate in his spiritual blindness fails to see the truth in the loving gaze of Jesus and loses the grace of repentance and conversion.
In order to live a faith filled life we must have a love for truth and a desire to seek truth no matter how difficult it may be. We are often fearful of the truth and the demands it makes on us, so we tend to shield ourselves against it and like pilate we turn on back on Jesus. Seeking God in prayer we ask him to open our eyes and our hearts to receive truth with courageous acceptance to the truth of who we are in the eyes of God. Accepting those truths can be painful, however necessary if we are to advance in truth. Sometimes God allows a difficult circumstance and illness to practice this virtue.
Cancer is the cross he laid upon my back, painful as it is the grace of God has been at work in me. Jesus opened my heart to see the truth about who I am. In this dark night I looked into the eyes of truth and embracing that truth I found the meaning of Agape love.
Truth guards us like a shield and protects you against the terror of the night.(see psalm 91)
Truth liberates us, and gives peace to the soul. Obedience to the will of God will lead us to truth. As we journey through lent may Jesus let His gaze of love penetrate your soul with love and truth.
Behold, you desire truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.
My body is broken from my battle with cancer. I battle numerous infections, decreased mobility, sleepless nights. I am on oxygen as my lungs are weak. There are days when I have no strength to move and must resign myself to the bed. I am unable to do anything and I ask myself how can I give all to the Lord when I have so little to give. I recall the words of Jesus to St. Faustina and I entrust myself completely to His will by praying”Not as I want , but according to your will, O God let it be done unto me.” It is in this moment of brokenness that I can give the Lord all. And this fills my soul with joy. My broken body and aching heart rejoices in the Lord. This is my gift to the infant Jesus. There are times in our lives when all we can give to Jesus are the broken pieces of our lives and it is in these moments of surrender that we can exclaim with St Paul: I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.
Dear Infant Jesus I come before your manager in Bethlehem help us to remember that real worth is not so much found in activity but in the silent surrender of our will to yours. We pray for the gift of perseverance to endure all things for the glory of your name. Jesus, Mary and Joseph make our homes another Nazareth where peace and love reign. Blessed Mother be a Mother to our children when illness prevents me. Wrap them in the Mantle of your love. Help us to always remember the great dignity we have as mothers and illness can never take that away.
Ponder in your heart how much you are loved and the life you live is one of joy to God. Do Not be Afraid. let go of all anxiety and Trust in the Infant Jesus to heal you.
Let your prayer be one of peace. Listen to some Advent or Christmas songs and sit in silence before the Christmas tree and manger, hold the infant Jesus next to your heart and let love do as love wants.
“We are able to go through the most terrible places fearlessly, because Jesus in us will never deceive us; Jesus in us is our love, our strength, our joy and our compassion”
Saint Teresa of Calcutta
Living in the present moment abandoned to God’s will has been my way of of life for the past 6 years.
6 years ago I heard the words I thought I would never hear: you have stomach cancer.
The doctor went on to say that stomach cancer is rare, after lung cancer, stomach cancer is the 2nd leading cause of death among cancer.
Fear,shock and disbelief instantly invaded my life. That was the day my life was forever changed, I had to face my possible death. As a mother of seven children all I could think about was who would take care of them.home school, and nurture them, how was I going to tell them I have cancer.
“It is most laudable in a married women to be devout, but she must never forget that she is a housewife; and sometimes she must leave God at the altar to find Him in her housekeeping.” – Francis of Rome
Did I fulfill God’s will in my vocation as a mother? Did my life reflect the love I had for Jesus and Mary and the gift our Catholic Faith is. Would they remember all that I taught them and so seek the truth in all things. This pain was too much to bear, my biggest fear had become a reality.
Within the week I underwent I high risk surgery.Everything went so quickly leaving me numb. Now I see that this was God’s way of protecting me shielding me from the gravity of what was happening to me.
Surgery lasted 6 hours in which 80% of my stomach was removed along with lymph nodes. The surgeon had to stop surgery because a large tumor was found on my liver and it had to be removed and biopsied. It was benign, how good God is. I was in intensive care for 3 days. The pain was unbearable due to the surgery and the fact I am allergic to most pain meds. The only prayer I could utter was Jesus I Trust in You and to love Him with a love that was willing to go to the cross.
Placing my life and family in His hands I said yes, yes to the life he had planned for me, yes to Redemptive suffering, to love with a love that is willing to go to the cross and so die to self.
As I left the hospital with the knowledge that the cancer I had would require a vigilance on my part to be aware of any unusual symptoms and to notify my oncologist. I will never really be what people call cancer free. When I asked my oncologist if I would be cancer free after 5 years his response was, maybe in 10 years. What they didn’t tell me was they didn’t think I would live past a year. Now I know why, I am deficient in most vitamins, I have malabsortion issues, (faulty absorption of nutrient materials from the digestive tract) a continual malaise that is worsening, anemia, my asthma has worsened to the point that I need oxygen. My stomach is broken, More days than not I suffer from emesis which limits my ability to go anywhere.
Lord I am the servant of thy servant and I will always say with Mary be it done to me according to thy word. Mother of all mothers that suffer pray for us.
The past 6 years faith has carried me, love has sustained me as I had to undergo many ER visits, countless tests and procedures, Dr appt’s too many to count, hospitalizations I so wanted to avoid.
My life belongs to Jesus as I walk the way of the cross knowing I will die on that cross. Joy!
O my God teach me to be generous; to give and not count the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to seek for rest; to labor and not to seek for any reward save that of doing your blessed will. -Saint Ignatius of Loyola
The cross is love, my love crucified with the Love that flows from the Sacred Heart of Jesus, as I receive grace upon grace. Thank you Jesus for the gift of life, may I never take it for granted but to embrace each day with joy.
“Love is more important than suffering: it gives suffering it’s meaning and makes it acceptable. There can be love without suffering. But suffering without love has no meaning; with love accepted as Christ accepted it, as the saints accept it, it acquires an inestimable value.” – Saint John Paul I
I pray for all those that suffer know that your life is precious and a gift from God a life to be embraced. You are never alone Love will never leave your side, God is with always. As I share my cancer journey with you it is my hope that it will aid you in some way as journey with Christ. I ask for your patience as you read this, my eyesight is so poor due to my health. May God bring you peace and love.
O Jesus in union with your most precious blood poured out on the cross and offered in every mass, I offer you today my prayers, works, joys, sorrows and sufferings for the praise of Your holy name and all the desires of Sacred heart; in reparation for sin, for the conversion of sinners, the union of all Christians and our final union with you in heaven.
A Powerful Prayer to be said before Praying
“Almighty Father; I place the Precious Blood of Jesus before my lips before I pray, that my prayers may be purified before they ascend to Your divine altar.” St. Mary Magdalen de Pazzi
“Place on thy heart one drop of the precious Blood and fear nothing.” Pope Pius IX